Ego...

I should have known this one coming. I don’t feel like doing it yet still preparing myself to get through it one more day. Am I insane? I beg to differ but my actions do a complete 180 degrees. One more day at the GSC is OK for me but since I’m going to KL, I dunno if I’m gonna miss it.

When I arrived, I asked myself what I should do today. Yesterday was a mess. Ms Grace wanted to buy me dinner but I refused to accept it but did not have the courage to say no. I just simply pretended to be sick. It looks easy and believable. But only God knows how I feel at that time. I simply have a very high ego. It never feels great when somebody buy me dinner, lunch etc. It makes me feel awful and I dunno, it is an uncomfortable feeling. This ego sometimes feel great when it gets what it wants, but another part of me feeling very guilty and shouldn’t turn down people offers. Ms Grace just wants to treat me dinner because of what I did to GSC. I don’t see I contributed so much but she knew I did a lot for GSC. I love giving, but never love to accept.

Yesterday Katrhik called me several times during their dinner asking how I feel. Argh, guilt filled my bloodstream instantly when I heard those words. Either way it didn’t make me feel great. I picked one and hell, wish I were never there. You see people, we all have egos. It will feel satisfied when you follow what it wants but what you really get? Pure satisfaction over what?
Nothing. Nada. Illek…the end