Why it's so damn hard...

I've been thinking a lot, why the hell my life in KL is so goddamn hard? I don't get it, my intuition is only to pursue my degree and yet lots of shitty things happen to me. Why?

Yesterday was by far the worst. When I heard that PTPTN loan contract finally out I feel like a huge burden was lifted from my shoulder. At least I don't have to worry 'bout cash all the time. But the problem was far from over.

Thanks to the idiotic staff in KLMU that mistakenly read my mother's payslip my loan is almost 10k short from everyone else. Fuck! Can they read a simple payslip? Gosh, now I have to pay for the stupid mistake. Who the hell gonna support me if I don't get enough loans like everybody else? I dunno guys, this is too much for me to handle. Now PTPTN thought my mom earn almost RM4k a month so they cut out my loans because supposedly I was born with silver spoon in my mouth. KLMU staff simply said to me that the contract is already out and I have to take the amount that they offered. Why the hell should I do that? It's not my mistake, why should I pay for it?

My mom only works in factory, she's not even a supervisor. How can she earn 4k a month? Ridiculous. If your suggestion is for me to work part-time, I tried that before. But I only lasted a week because the schedule was so hectic I can barely have time to sleep. I got only 3 month a semester, that's the reason why I can't work. Either I work or study, not both. I wanna have great results and great life. I know I deserve it. But this shit hole is deeper than anything I've been into.

Perhaps Allah have better plans for me, which is to start work. That's only I have in mind now. Perhaps art student is never been a path I should take. So now all I can do is try to correct the mistakes.

If not then you know where to find me...